I write here sometimes

Writer's Block: Gender Bender

2008-06-24T16:13:46Z

Do you ever want to be of the opposite sex? If so, what attracts you to the idea? If not, what repels you?

Nope. I'm not that strong :(

oivas @ 2005-10-10T13:25:00

2005-10-10T07:55:04Z

OK... I don't know if anyone ever visits here... but if you do, I'd appreciate it if you could reply to this comment with a myth that has been propagated because of the Internet... Urban (Internet) legends also welcome.

And yes, if you can, please substantiate it with a link as well.

Thanx

And yes, how have you all been?

Wish you were here

2005-09-19T08:53:46Z

I miss being the one you used to call just to talk about your day
I miss being the one who used to call you when I had nothing to say...
I never spoke then... and I can't, now

Randomness

2005-05-27T03:51:23Z

Sometimes when you’re thirsting all you see is the water, not its depth.

The abridged Star Wars (shamelessly lifted)

2005-05-25T04:15:19Z

Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Quigon Jin: "You will be a Jedi"
Anakin: "Wheeeee... I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Episode II: The Attack of the Clones
Obi Wan: "You will be a Jedi"
Anakin: "Am I a Jedi yet?"
Obi Wan: "No"

Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith
Anakin: "Dammit when will I be a Jedi?"
Obi Wan: "Soon"
Anakin: "Fuck you, I'm going to the Dark Side"

Episode IV: Star Wars
Obi Wan: "You will be a Jedi"
Luke: "Wheeeee... I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Episode V: Empire Strikes Back
Yoda: "A Jedi, you will be"
Luke: "Am I Jedi yet?"
Yoda: "No"
Vader: "I am your father"
Luke: "WTF?"

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Luke: "Dammit when will I be a Jedi?"
Yoda: "After you kill daddy"
Luke: "Aww Mannn...and Leia's my sister??"

Cos Bill Withers says it so much better

2005-05-18T11:59:18Z

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long anytime
She goes away

Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't a home
Anytime she goes away

And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I know, I know I know, I know, I know

Hey I'll leave the young thing alone
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away

(Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone - Bill Withers)

'cos giveawayboy tagged me

2005-05-11T11:57:05Z

Total number of films I own on DVD/video: None (lost a few when Video players went obsolete, and the rest, when we shifted house)

The last film I bought: I don’t really remember... I think the last few movies I actually owned were all gifted to me by an uncle.

The last film I watched: In a theatre: Dodgeball
On DVD: The LOTR Trilogy

Five films that I ~~watch a lot or that mean a lot to me~~ like (I’m gonna hafta cheat here):
a) Fight Club, Snatch, Get Shorty, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels...
b) Shrek, Shark's Tale, A Bug's Life, Monsters Inc...
c) All Spaghetti Westerns with Clint Eastwood
d) All Terence Hill and Bud Spencer movies
e) All old Hrishikesh Mukherjee comedies starring Amol Palekar and Utpal Dutt

Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal: Aww c'mon all of you who read this, do it anyway.

An IRC chat transcript (ganked from a message board) Hilarious.

2005-05-11T10:15:46Z

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

--------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Near home, on my way to work...

2005-05-03T03:53:10Z

This could have been our CD sleeve

2005-05-03T03:27:03Z

Another gem

2005-04-26T12:34:56Z

'Ya know, if ya gots somethin' in yore mouth, and ya don't know what it is, you spit it out!'

Let's say a big thank you to all those good folk at lowbrow.

Wisdom you can't argue with

2005-04-26T07:05:14Z

'If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you melons, wear a bra.'

'The first lie every kid hears: Honesty is the best policy'

'Ladders are for climbing, not for falling off'

I always said lowbrow.com was a good place to learn stuff.

Parting Ways

2005-04-21T04:40:28Z

Behind her eyes there's curtains...
and they've been closed to hide the flames, remains...
she knows their future's burning, but she can smile just the same, same...
and though her mood is fine today
there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways

Standing, like a statue
a chin of stone, a heart of clay, hey...
and though he's too big a man to say
there's a fear they'll soon be parting ways

Drifiting away, drifting away, drifting away...
drifiting away, drifting away, drifting away...

(Pearl Jam, from the album Binaural)

Don't call me, I'll call you.

2005-02-23T05:14:50Z

Unsolicited call 1

:::tring tring:::

Me: "Hullo"
Voice At The Other End: "Hullo Sir, I’m calling from ABN Amro"
Me: "And you are?"
VATOE: "Eh? I’m Shraddha... and this is with regards to a personal loan"
Me: "OK, so how much do you want, Shraddha?"
VATOE: "Eh? Want?"
Me: "Yes, what is the amount you want?"
VATOE: "I don’t want anything, I want to give..."
Me: "Why Shraddha? Why do you want to give me a personal loan? Do you even know me?"
VATOE: "No, but..."
Me: "Then why, Shraddha? Did I ask you for one?"
VATOE: "No, but..."
Me: "But you know? If you ever want a loan, you could always call me..."
VATOE: Eh? Thank you, sir"

:::disconnects:::

Unsolicited call 2

Me: "Hullo?"
VATOE: "Hullo, I’m calling from ICICI Bank"
Me: "And to what do I owe this pleasure?"
VATOE: "There’s been a tie-up between ICICI and your office and we're therefore giving all of you free credit cards..."
Me: "How nice! And yes, congratulations to you on the tie-up"
VATOE: "Congratulations to you too, sir..."
Me: "It’s so nice that you guys have tied up with us. This makes me so happy. Aren’t you happy too?"
VATOE: "Eh? Yes sir, I am. So..."
Me: "Well, we both are happy so lets just sign off on this happy note"
VATOE: "But sir..."

:::click:::

Life imitating fiction?

2005-02-08T03:55:16Z

More than a year ago, I wrote a little story... And today, I find this piece on Yahoo News!

Now what really bugs me is that, from now on, almost everyone will think that my story was frigging inspired by the said piece of news.

Band of Buoys!

2004-12-01T06:21:51Z

TOI: Now all our pages are paginated as page 3s

2004-11-27T04:58:37Z

On the front page of the Times of India, just besides its masthead, and under sports: Kallis’ girlfriend goes on a shopping spree in Kolkata

Duh? WTF?

Ok, so Kallis, who happens to be a South African cricketer, has a good-looking (but nonentity) girlfriend who decided to shop in Kolkata... I got that!

But really, how does that come under sports? And what makes the newspaper think that people in Bombay give a rat’s ass if someone, whom we couldn’t care less about, decided to go on a shopping spree in Kolkata? And if she really shopped as much as they'd like us to believe, shouldn't this news bit come in the finance and economics section of the paper under something like Kallis' Girlfriend improves the economy of West Bengal?

What say you?

Nice--very, in fact.

2004-11-25T04:38:34Z

A few days ago--I don't remember when exactly--a friend--I don’t remember which--directed me to the following piece on the Internet--I don’t even remember the site URL. But I do remember copying this text into Word in case I forgot--like I have, and always do. But forget that!
Well anyway--and without much ado--and/or digression--I present to you--and not with little envy--something written by someone else--a something, I wish I had written instead. Here goes...

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of. I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

(Supposedly published in the July 25, 1994 New Yorker magazine by Jack Winter)

Addendum
(OK, we have confirmation. The piece is titled 'How I met my wife' and it is by Jack Winter, published in the New Yorker, July 25, 1994 )

In the train...

2004-10-11T04:55:28Z

"What's in the bag?"
"A gift for one of my clients, yaar... It’s been a long time since I've got an order from him... This thing cost me 20 grand... probably I'll get a huge order after I give it to him"
"20 grand! What the hell is it?"
"Its an iPod..."
"I pawd?"
"Arey... you dunno or what? iPod is the new Macintosh Walkman... you don't even need audio casettes."

iPod is the 'Macintosh' Walkman???

This happened a few days ago...

2004-10-01T07:21:41Z

I’m waiting for an Auto--one of those Share-an-Auto thingees. Eventually, after a wait of around 5 minutes, one comes chugging along... I’m about to take my rightful seat when a rather squat, north-easternly-looking man, bearing a suitcase et al, pushes ahead of me and jumps in. Well anyway, I take the other free seat and off we go...

Through the whole journey, if you can call it that, our man displays body movements that you’d expect from a monkey who’s just landed onto a hot tin roof.

Cut to our destination...

I get off the Auto, pay the driver and begin walking towards home. The air is filled with the 'bhajans' and 'shlokes' being chanted by people participating in a nearby Ganesh Puja

Suddenly, catching up with me...

Squat North-Easternly-Looking Man: (with a slight jerk of his neck, as if gesturing to the area we’ve just left behind) "Armchoo paiyyum?"

Me: (not understanding a word of what he just said) "Pardon?"

SN-E-LM: "Armchoo paiyyum?"

Me: "I'm sorry, come again..."

SN-E-LM: (now, losing his patience) "ArrmCHOOO PaiYYUMM?"

Me: (thinking he’s asking me about the Ganesh Puja) "Umm... that’s a Ganesh Aarti going on..." (You know? They probably don’t celebrate Ganesh Chaturti from where he comes)

SN-E-LM: (apparently, not very happy with the concept of a Ganesh Arti--or so, I think) "Owmchoo Paiyyum?!!"

Me: "Eh?"

::By this time, it seems, he’s already categorized me as a complete idiot::

SN-E-LM: "Owmchoo Paiyyum?... Riksha man?"

Me: (finally getting it) "Ah! How much did I pay the Auto guy?"

SN-E-LM: "Ya... Dat wot I’m Seng.."

Me: (smiling) "Three Bucks"

SN-E-LM: (walking away from me) "Gud... it’s 5 rupees after 10"

The whole evening after that I walked around the house greeting everyone with an "Armchoo paiyyum?"

My mom thinks work's getting to me.

Isn't it ironic?

2004-09-23T04:57:59Z

Ganesh, the cutest of Hindu gods, is also known as Vign Harta, which means The Remover of Obstacles. Isn’t it rather ironic therefore, that the festival of Ganesh Chaturti that celebrates this Hindu god is the reason for the worst of traffic jams in the city?

Illustration by Shyam Shriram, a friend and colleague. If you're interested, you can find more of his work here.

The Nazgul - A Derivative Work of the Intellectual Property of Edgar Allan Poe

2004-09-22T04:44:29Z

Groklaw member's humorous take-off of Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Raven'... If you've read Poe you'll find this thoroughly amusing, but even if you haven't read it, take a look... its still worth a read. :)

(Caution: Really long. I mean really.)

Once upon a midnight dreary, as I worked at SCO/Caldera,
Searching many quaint and curious printouts of forgotten source --
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my office door.
"Tis some co-worker," I muttered, "tapping at my office door --
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the sere September,
And each fragmentary member of my UNIX code lay on the floor.
Nervously I feared the morrow; -- vainly I had sought to borrow
From old code surcease of sorrow--sorrow for the sinking score --
For the sinking, dwindling, stinking ticker telling our stock's score --
Profitless for evermore.

And my silly sad devotion to each frivolous court motion
Stalked me -- mocked me with forebodings heretofore I oft ignored;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"Tis some co-worker discussing business at my office door --
Some late-staying co-worker loitering around my door;
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Stowell," said I, "or Sontag, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my office door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"--here I opened wide the door --
Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep inside that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no CEO e'er dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was "Kevin?" quavered 'cross the floor.
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back to reach my door --
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the office turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely I know something's at my office window;
I will therefore let it in, though Custodial just cleaned my floor --
Let my heart be still a bit and let it in despite the floor --
'Tis a raven; nothing more."

Here I pushed the pane aside, when, with a quick and quiet glide,
In there stepped an awful Nazgul straight from Cravath, Swain & Moore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he,
But, with mien to frighten Hades, perched above my office door --
Perched upon a bust of Bill Gates just above my office door --
Perched and sat, and nothing more.

Then the ebony wraith beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the stern and solid stack of legal filings that it bore,
"Though thy manner be so regal, thou," I said, "art sure no eagle,
Ghastly grim and ghoulish Nazgul wandering from the Federal Court --
Tell me of thy client's case to argue there before the Court!"
Quoth the Nazgul, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled, musing mainly, to hear lawyer speech so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning -- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was cursed with seeing wraith above his office door --
Wraith or ghoul upon the molded bust above his office door --
Speak such judgment: "Nevermore."

But the Nazgul, sitting lonely on that sculpted bust, spoke only
That one word, as if its soul in that one word he did outpour
Nothing farther then he uttered; not a paper then he fluttered --
Till I scarcely more than muttered: "Others settled suits before --
On the morrow he will leave me, as my stock has soared before."
Quoth the Nazgul, "Nevermore."

Startled by the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy client who by some corporate giant
Was rendered docile and compliant by threatened barratry and torts --
Till the dirges of his revenue that baleful burden bore
Of "Never -- nevermore."

But the Nazgul still defying all my blathering and lying,
Straight I wheeled my cushy chair in front of wraith and bust and door;
Then, upon the leather sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy,
thinking what this ominous lawyer--
What this black, benighted, brooding being, ominous lawyer--
Meant in hissing, "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the shadow's silent figure burned into my greedy core;
This and more I sat divining, thinking of my public whining,
Tales of billion-dollar fining of the fiends of open source --
Recompense for the declining of our once-demanded source--
Monetizable no more.

Then, methought, the air grew heavy as I dwelt upon the bevy
Of our legal contradictions Groklaw dragged into the fore.
"Wraith," cried I, "thy client sent thee -- with these documents hath sent thee
Here to settle now, and by new contracts end this costly war!
Seal, oh seal this poisoned pact and settle now this costly war!"
Quoth the Nazgul, "Nevermore."

"Counsel!" said I, "thing of Linux! -- robber then of long-lost Unix! --
Whether Torvalds sent, or Red Hat be with whom you have rapport,
FUD destroyers, still undaunted, seeing SCOSource still unwanted --
Of our IP by us vaunted -- tell me truly, I implore --
Is there -- is there SCO in Linux?--tell me--tell me, I implore!
Quoth the Nazgul, "Nevermore."

"Counsel!" said I, "thing of Linux!--robber then of long-lost Unix!--
By that law that bends before us -- by that cash we both adore --
Tell this litigation lover if, before the case is over,
We shall be able to discover rights in reams of code galore --
In forty million man-hours find our rights in code galore."
Quoth the Nazgul, "Nevermore."

"Be that our sign of parting, hippie fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting --
"Get thee back into the distant darkness of Armonk, New York!
Leave no subpoena as a token of the lie thy soul hast spoken!
Leave my pump-and-dump unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy sword from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Nazgul, "Nevermore."

And the Nazgul, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid pasty bust of Bill above my office door;
And in gloom I sit defeated, crushed by lies that I repeated,
And the innocence I pleaded has been laughed down to the floor;
And the bankruptcy attorney lurking round my cellblock door
Shall release me -- nevermore!

~ by Alanyst

Bar flys

2004-09-09T12:10:12Z

So Dex and me are sitting at the bar... It’s rather early in the evening and we’ve just got in. The only chaps at the haunt are three other men... all in their late 30s. They’re obviously well on their way to calling the evening a night.

Guy 1: "Man, I gotta move from my parent’s place... I’m gonna have to buy a pad of my own... I can’t take it anymore..."
Guy 2: "Why? What’s up?"
Guy 3: "Yeah, that’s a good house your folks have..."
Guy 1: "Arey, what to tell you, man? Whenever I do something really stupid... my pop nah... he comes in and shouts at me... I don’t like it when he does that in front of my kid..."
Guy 2 and 3: "Hehehe..."
Guy 1: "My son is 5 years old yaar... and the fellow is a smart fucker... he watches my pop shouting at me and thinks I’m a chut (cunt). Now that li’l fucker doesn’t respect me, man... (gulps the remainder of his drink)"

I clink my glass against Dex’s "Cheers buddy!"
Dex smiles at me, "We should never have kids," he says.

Much laughter.

I love this song

2004-08-25T03:42:50Z

And the sign says "long hair freaky people need not apply"
So I put my hair under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said you look like a fine outstanding young man I think you'll do
So I took off my hat I said "Imagine that huh, me working for you"

Signs Signs
Everywhere there's signs
Blocking up the scenery
Breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign

And the sign says "Anybody caught trespassing will be shot on sight"
So I jumped the fence and I yelled at the house: Hey! What gives you the right
To put up a fence and keep me out or to keep Mother Nature in
If God was here He'd tell it to your face, man, you're some kind of sinner

Signs Signs
Everywhere there's signs
Blocking up the scenery
Breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign

Oh Say now mister Can't you read
You got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
You can't watch. No, you can't eat. You ain't supposed to be here

And the sign says "You got to have a membership card to get inside" Huh

And the sign says "Everybody welcome. Come in kneel down and pray"
But then they passed around a plate at the end of it all
And I didn't have a penny to pay
So I got me a pen and paper and I made up my own little sign
I said "Thank you Lord for thinking about me I'm alive and doing fine"

Signs Signs
Everywhere there's signs
Blocking up the scenery
Breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign

Signs Signs
Everywhere there's signs
Blocking up the scenery
Breaking my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign

(Signs - Tesla)

Some Sick Bastard

2004-08-05T05:17:52Z

Around 2 days ago, a news channel carried a piece on a certain Mr. Rathod from Rajasthan that has pissed me off big time.
The sick bastard--yes, that’s what he is--has asked the state to provide him with compensation to take care of his third girl child, or permission to kill her if they cannot do so!
Apparently, his wife conceived for the third time after having undergone a birth control medical procedure, and the fact that she delivered a baby girl has got this guy screaming out for compensation--not that the sick fucker is that badly off--he seems to have the money to fight the case in court.
The miserable bastard has put the little girl, who is between 2-3 years old in a municipal school because, he says, he can’t afford to send her to a private school like her elder siblings. Besides, he seems to discriminate against the little one in other ways as well just because she’s ‘yet another’ girl child after his first two.
What was absolutely disgusting was that his whole family, including his wife, was so candid about the whole thing. I doubt that that excuse of a man would have screamed as much (or at all) if the third child was a boy.
So what I really want to know if there is any judicial statute that’ll put the worm into jail and insure that he gets a sound trashing everyday for the rest of his life. Fuck! I’m so damn pissed off right now...